kind of like hell, but with marshmallows

I love my family, and so I camp with them. Here are the things I rather like about the situation, and things that make me want to stab everyone nearby.

like:

• meandering conversations with best friends (we always go with them; takes the total hell feeling away...)
• no housekeeping required
• lots of wine
• kids happy & nice to each other (probably because of lots of wine and no housekeeping for adults)
• cute wildlife like chipmunks and deer
• grazing from our bags of camp food all day long
• lots of wine (did i say that already?)
• spying neighbors don't actually know me
• indulging in craptacular gossip magazines
• quality time with family (that's not actually last, even though it looks like it...don't judge)

stab everyone:

• not-so-cute wildlife, like bread-stealing birds and blood-sucking mosquitoes
• frickin' cold water in bathrooms
• no Starbucks within walking distance
• Lord of the Flies mentality developing in children after six hours of closeness and no supervision (see "lots of wine")
• imagining every forest noise is a Jason-like axe murderer
• other people's horrific parenting on display

Look at that, more pros than cons. Plus the wine counts for two, so bonus! I guess I'll go again, but only where there are yurts and a nearby coffee shop. And lots of People magazines to share...and maybe a nanny.

things to say while rocking back & forth

In the event I end up in a padded cell or, at the very least, on a street corner, here's what I'll be muttering about:

• those idiotic cash advance ads on the radio
• students who ask "what are we doing today?" while looking directly at the agenda i've written on the board
• moving dirty spoons, every morning, from the sink to the dishwasher
• Paris Hilton - why do people care? Why? Why??
• underwear tossed within an inch of the hamper, but not actually into the hamper
• people who say "irregardless" or "Nordstroms"
• unnecessary slowness in drivers, store clerks, shoppers
• using silly words for body parts
• jackets, jackets everywhere but not one on a hanger...

Surely there is much more, but this will occupy me for awhile...please do visit, and bring chocolate.