kind of like hell, but with marshmallows

I love my family, and so I camp with them. Here are the things I rather like about the situation, and things that make me want to stab everyone nearby.

  • meandering conversations with best friends (we always go with them; takes the total hell feeling away...)
  • no housekeeping required
  • lots of wine
  • kids happy & nice to each other (probably because of lots of wine and no housekeeping for adults)
  • cute wildlife like chipmunks and deer
  • grazing from our bags of camp food all day long
  • lots of wine (did i say that already?)
  • spying neighbors don't actually know me
  • indulging in craptacular gossip magazines
  • quality time with family (that's not actually last, even though it looks like it...don't judge)

stab everyone:

  • not-so-cute wildlife, like bread-stealing birds and blood-sucking mosquitoes
  • frickin' cold water in bathrooms
  • no Starbucks within walking distance
  • Lord of the Flies mentality developing in children after six hours of closeness and no supervision (see "lots of wine")
  • imagining every forest noise is a Jason-like axe murderer
  • other people's horrific parenting on display

Look at that, more pros than cons. Plus the wine counts for two, so bonus! I guess I'll go again, but only where there are yurts and a nearby coffee shop. And lots of People magazines to share...and maybe a nanny.

things to say while rocking back & forth

In the event I end up in a padded cell or, at the very least, on a street corner, here's what I'll be muttering about:
  • those idiotic cash advance ads on the radio
  • students who ask "what are we doing today?" while looking directly at the agenda i've written on the board
  • moving dirty spoons, every morning, from the sink to the dishwasher
  • Paris Hilton - why do people care? Why? Why??
  • underwear tossed within an inch of the hamper, but not actually into the hamper
  • people who say "irregardless" or "Nordstroms"
  • unnecessary slowness in drivers, store clerks, shoppers
  • using silly words for body parts
  • jackets, jackets everywhere but not one on a hanger...

Surely there is much more, but this will occupy me for awhile...please do visit, and bring chocolate.