*in the unfortunate event my current, perfect first husband tragically dies or is otherwise rendered unfit for marriage to me
- Gael Garcia Bernal ~ pros: sexy accent, swoon-worthy boyish smile, multilingual, likes smart girls (dated Natalie Portman), looks hot in a cowboy hat, way younger than me (very trendy) ~ cons: way younger than me (may be more creepy than trendy later), not much taller than me (or my kids, for that matter)
- James Marsters ~ pros: sexy (fake) accent, irresistable naughty stare, in a band, appreciates Pacific NW, likes Shakespeare, left-handed ~ cons: in a band, possibly higher maintenance than me
- Peter Sarsgaard ~ pros: perpetual bedroom eyes, smart bad boy feel, voice to make me do anything ~ cons: appears to like brooding, penchant for peculiar and/or scary roles
- Jason Lee ~ pros: fabulously funny, grungy sexy, great voice, skateboarder ~ cons: needs shave & haircut more often, named his son Pilot Inspektor (what??), skateboarder
- Matthew McConaughey ~ pros: Texan (the good kind), knee-weakening smile, mom's a teacher, likes football, looks great sweaty, world traveler ~ cons: Redskins fan (counts as a double con really), the whole naked-stoned-conga-drum thing, prettier than me
- Christian Bale ~ pros: lovely accents, worldly demeanor, loves animals and books, breathtakingly beautiful & seriously sexy, makes me willingly pay money to see a superhero movie ~ cons: alarming dedication to roles, happily married
- Joseph Fiennes ~ pros: artistic, disarmingly gorgeous & deliciously bawdy, smart woman's Colin Farrell ~ cons: what...I'm sorry, were you saying something?