could i possibly be any more vanilla?

This is an assignment I gave my creative writing students this week. My only real intention was to get them to think figuratively - come up with unusual comparisons that tell something about a character (in this case, themselves). As individual statements, they seem innocuous & amusing. When read all at once? It's armchair psychoanalysis. Some of the patterns that emerged with kids were such dead-on personality profiles, I felt a little guilty for revealing them so. I think everyone owes me $95 for my hour of assessment.

Feel free to call this a meme (or whatever you prefer that doesn't sound so weird) and probe the depths of your own psyche. Zenmomma did a post like this, too (something in the air?) with variations and a song.

If I were a shoe, I'd be a shiny penny loafer.

If I were a city, I'd be London.

If I were a season, I'd be fall.

If I were a car, I'd be a Volvo.

If I were a vegetable, I'd be a carrot.

If I were a fruit, I'd be a strawberry.

If I were a color, I'd be plum.

If I were furniture, I'd be a loveseat.

If I were a song, I'd be something sappy. Or a show tune (but from a tragedy).

If I were a country, I'd be England.

If I were a beverage, I'd be black tea.

If I were clothing, I'd be a cardigan sweater.

If I were weather, I'd be sunny & mild.

If I were an animal, I'd be a koala.

If I were a dessert, I'd be apple crisp.

If I were a plant, I'd be a hydrangea.

If I were a word, I'd be practical.